Catfood27Cents

Being Real

Lots of good stuff today.  I've been inspired by several things this week and wanted to share: 

First - a huge THANK YOU to Rebecca Woolf who writes the blog, Girls Gone Child, for this post.   In today's world of amazing mega mommy and DIY blogs and practically pornographic Pinterest crafts and the crazy that seems to be these women/mothers/bloggers/writers, etc. who seem to not only have it all, do it all, and be happy while doing it, well, it's  beyond refreshing to see someone be totally honest and giving credit where credit is due.  She's an amazing mom.  She's a talented writer.   She loves her kids and does cool stuff with them.  She documents it.  And she has HELP.  I love that her blog is honest yet consistently upbeat.  

In a similar vein, Kelle Hampton of Enjoying the Small Things posted a comment on one of her Instagram photos regarding the fact that what she photographs and shares are the best parts of the day, not the crappy ones and yes, those do exist.  I know she takes a lot of heat for being overly rainbows and unicorns, but I have to admit, I really admire her for choosing happy.  I also am happy that from time to time she will admit that things get a little rough and sometimes the small things are also messy and frustrating.  Thanks Kelle! 

And a special shoutout for keeping it REALLY real, we have the blog Raising Kvell (which is a new to me blog).  My friend shared this post on Facebook, and I reshared it and then I noticed a few other friends of mine shared it from me and on and on.  Obviously this hits home for a lot of people.  Check it out and enjoy a good laugh.  

And sometimes we still need a little fantasy in our days and I'm completely enamored with this photographic project being contributed to by a small group of photographers (most of whom I've been following on Instagram for a while, so this was exciting to see!)  The blog You Are My Wild has been so inspiriational to me.  I've noticed several people (bloggers mainly) have been making a point to do portraits of their children once a week for the year and it's been lovely to see.  This beautiful series of photos has really made me want to bring my a-game to the pictures I take of my family and life.  I definitely recommend you check it out when you get a chance.  

Anyway, while I definitely err towards putting "the pretty" on my blog, because, as someone who tends to lean toward the melancholy, it's my way to pull out the happy and hold on to it.  I write it to myself and whoever else wants to see and read it because it makes me happier.  I do try to keep it real but I'm not going to overly document and carefully edit photographs of milk being spilled all over the cabinets and floor and the utter disaster that is laundry (every)day and how the school room  gets trashed by a particularly artitistic three year old on a daily basis.  There is definitely a time to admit that life is messy and hard but it's also nice to see that we can focus on the positive more often than not.  I've read a lot of blogs and writing in my life and I've followed people before who wrote "very real" and yet each and every post was beginning to sound like a dumping ground for their negativity and those kinds of posts began to bring me down.  And I don't have time for that.  I'm pretty good at bringing myself down without help, so now, when I do have the chance to read my RSS stream, I happily check out the people who emphasize the positive - but can manage to keep it real, too.   

We need the real.  We need the pretty.  It's yin and yang.  We have no guarantees in life.  No promises about tomorrow.  I'm stating right here that I'm going to try to see the happy.  "Be the change" if you will.  If I don't I will bring myself down and that's not fair to myself or my family.  

So, in the spirit of the happy - yesterday I got to spend some one on one time with Isla at a new park that opened up on the beach near our home.  She was so totally free and happy and I could focus on her and it was fun to whip out my phone for a few candid shots.  I had moments of "oh my God, this is too perfect.  She is too perfectly perfect and I can't believe how fortunate I am right this very moment".  And I know that's all we're given, this very moment.  I have to believe that that is the most important thing.  

She has obviously not lost the happy.  :) 

All images by iPhone

And here's just a few more of my little wild things. 

Stellan: 11 Months

11 MONTHS!!! Almost a full year.  Where did my tiny newborn go?  

Stellan wasn't really feeling it so much today seeng as he has a pretty bad case of snotty-nose-itis, but he was a sport to let me take a couple pics on his beautiful quilt.  Look at how big my baby has gotten! 

He is days away from walking, keeping him right on track with his big brother and sister who walked at 11 and 10 months respectively.  He took two steps from the chair to the rocker today and was he PROUD!  :) 

Love this boy.  

 

Next month - he's ONE!

Stellan: 10 Months

Sweetest sweet Stelly, you're ten months old today!  Unbelievable, and yes, I know I say that every month.  This month you are cruising every chance you get - you want to walk to badly.  You're beginning to say some discernable "mama" and "dada" and I'm 100% positive you've said "Isla" a few times.  You are always on the go go go and are inquisitive and mischievious.  You give the side eye and you're off!  I'm pretty sure your favorite person is your daddy,  unless you are tired, or cranky or scared and then you want me.  That's okay - I like being your security blanket.  

Sweet baby, even though your 3:00 am on. the. dot. wake ups for just a bit more milk sometimes kills me in the morning, I know that time is finite and I will not complain too much.  I get to hold you and cuddle you, just you and me until you fall back asleep until about six or so when you're up for the day (well, at least until your morning nap comes calling around 9).  

You're a big eater and your current fave is definitely blueberries.  You are also a big fan of bacon, eggs and pretty much any meat.  And fruit.  And veggies.  Well, pretty much every food we've put in front of you you've been very interested in tasting and usually eating with great relish.  Love these early days of the non-picky eater.  Maybe we'll luck out and you won't follow in your brother and sister's footsteps of major food attitude.  

You're strong and tall and filling out nicely and you are so so handsome.  I love your blue eyes and golden hair, tiny toes and even your crazy herniated belly button (which I do actually hope goes away soon, it's kind of weird).  

Soon you'll be a toddler and the sweet baby days will be but a memory.  Another baby grown so fast.  We love you so much.  I love you so much. 

Watch  me grow!!

Oh, hello.

And just because, here's a cute one of Ro.  :) 

All of these were imported by, sorted with, and edited with Lightroom 4.  I will not say I have the hang of it, but I'm working on it.  There is some method to this madness. 

Portraits

I'm taking a photography course through the Define School called "The Inspired Home" being taught by Kristin Rogers whose work I really admire and first became aware of through Instagram.  Oh Instagram... ;)  Anyway, it's been a very inspiring class and we've only been through four days so far.  

The whole course is basically one big ball of inspiration (and lots of great people sharing some beautiful, soulful, heartfelt and meaningful photos) and based on a suggestion by Kristin to use the extremely lit bathroom windows as a backdrop for a portrait, I did just that... and now I want to do regular portraits.  Full on and as posed.  :)  I'm taking pictures of Stelly regularly and with very specific intentions, why did I stop taking pics of the kids like that?  So, I'm hoping to keep it up.  Here's a couple from today.  

In full Ninja head gear.  

Take nothing for granted.  

 

Something hard and horrible and painful happened to a friend two days ago.  Life - you are so full of beauty shown to us only in glimpses.  Sometimes we're gifted with a panorama of soul swelling, joyful bliss.  Sometimes we pay for those experiences with the darkest blackest place a soul can go, bereft in a lightless cavern.  Our job is to be the light for others when needed.   Be someones light.  

And it's 2013 and we're still here

If only I had a million lovely photos to share of our trips to Hilton Head (for Christmas) and Cleveland (for New  Year's).  I have a few and they are currently hovering between two computers and two versions of photoshop and ....eh.  

So... 2012, let's reflect.  A pretty nice year I'd say.  I bore another child (yay Stellan!) and happily the world did not end on the 21st like many people feared.  Hello - I could have told you that, I'm an archaeologist, remember?  Anyway, moving on from that...

I love a good New Year.  The fresh starts, the amazing inspiration to clean clean clean and organize that I really try to harness and prepare the house for another year and the promise of 12 months of opportunities, new memories, yadda yadda yadda.  I mean, yes, I do feel that way, but surely by now you are sick of hearing about those things.  Yes?  

So, I do have a few New Year's resolutions.  I'll tell you about one as it's a new one for me.  I'm calling it "12 projects in 12 months".  Combing through my craft cabinet and other un-sundry corners of my home, I'm slightly haunted by numerous craft project that had been eagerly signed up to start and then sort of fizzled out like a bottle rocket in the rain.  Sound familiar to you?  Well, heck, then start a 12 projects in 12 months resolution with me!  The kicker is, you really should USE THE STUFF YOU HAVE!  Very likely, you have 12 great projects hidden and spirited away somewhere.  Find them.  Dust them off and do them!  Now, I can be flexible here, perhaps you've been jawing on about making some sort of end table or something, really just a weekend project.  Do it.  Make that January.  How about trying the 30 Day Shred?  (I LOVED IT!!) Then make that February (or heck just start that today).  The point is that one month is a manageable amount of time to make a goal and stick with it.  Want to learn to make a really great Indian dish?  Got a knitting project just waiting to be picked up again?  Is there a series of books you've been dying to read?  You wanted to make that blazer for yourself (mom?!).  12 months, 12 projects.  I'll be sharing mine and I'd love to hear if you do any as well.  

 

And, okay, here's some photos from our trip to Cleveland to visit my parents.  We miss you!  

We saw snow!  Yay!

who can resist the yummy taste of snow.  mmmmm....

going after their papa (my dad) in the backyard.  

It's not a trip to Cleveland without a visit to the West Side Market!

and while you are there you HAVE to get an insane homemade cupcake and a hot steamed milk and go sit up at the overlook area but then as a neurotic parent you notice that the once nostalgic and quaint balcony area suddenly is an incredible death trap because "OH MY GOD THAT RAILING IS SO FREAKING LOW!!! WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?!"  Clevelander's you know what I'm talking about right?  Right?  Oh yeah you do.  Both Brandon and I repeatedly envisioned our progeny tumbling to their death or major paralysis more than once in the fretful 14.5 minutes we stayed up there.  Moving on...

Even though I grew up in Cleveland, snow is fun and novel (at least the first day) and I'll admit I kind of miss it here in central Florida.  Although, I did sort of enjoy the 75 degree and sunny day we had today where we walked to the park without jackets and the sun warmed our skin and our hearts...oh, I'm just kidding, it was actually only 71 degrees and we really should have been wearing sunblock, but, alas.  

Okay, last few shots just for you Northern folks.  

The snow was so comfortable he just fell right asleep!  

Now...is it me, or did someone with a "mature" sense of humor design that Spiderman on Ro's hat?  I'm just saying, I mean, I'm just putting that out there.  Okay, sheesh, wow, what time is IT?  Wow, so sleepy, okay, have a great night everyone!  

 

Recuperating

I just put Stellan down for his afternoon nap and walked by Isla's room.  

She had put herself down for a nap.  Perhaps the busyness of the last few days is catching up to her.  

Update:  Alas, my sweet girl has a fever.  That explains the random nap!

Stellan: 9 Months

I took Stellan's nine month shots on his month birthday (19th) but wasn't able to edit and get this post out until today.  It's hard to believe my little baby is getting so big.  This was the ONLY shot I was able to get of him on his back.  The ONLY one.  He flips the second you lay him down and it took myself and Ronan to work to get this shot.  Ronan was just off camera making him giggle and trying to distract him.  

this is pretty much what we're dealing with thiese days... he's a mover!

Stellan is funny and smiley.  My friend Liz says he "smizes" and it's true.  His eyes totally smile.  He's becoming more and more gregarious and boistrous and makes a lot of hilarious sounds.  Since Stelly was born in 2012 - the year of the dragon - that could be the explanation for the growling, dragon like noises he makes all the time.  I really need to get these recorded because he'll stop doing them soon.  :(  I love his little sounds.   He's climbing and crawling all over the place and pulling up, cruising and standing.  Apparently he's in a hurry to keep up with his big sibs.  He loves eating a wide variety of foods, playing 'so big!' and getting into EVERYTHING his brother and sister are doing.  

His very first tooth popped out over Christmas and it makes him look so much older already.  Amazing, one tiny tooth can change so much.  My so big baby.  *sniff

Stellan had a wonderful time visiting with friends and family this Christmas on Hilton Head.  He's not yet in the super clingy seperation anxiety stage, and is still a squishy, giggly baby that everyone wants to hold.  I think he made a good impression.  

We love you, Stellan.  My Stelly.  Stelly Bean.  Mellow Stellow.  StellStell.  Stellums.  And all the rest...

How big is Stelly? 

They Saw Unicorns

I could not find a way to come back to this spot and not in some way express my deep sadness and grief over the horrific tragedy in Connecticut.  I've written several posts over the last three days.  They were angry.  And they were teary.   They were likely bombastic and definitely emotionally charged.  But now that rage has moved into a disquiet in my heart that will linger and flare much like it always does when I hear of senseless acts of violence.  I have no answers and I won't pretend I do.  I have opinions, of course, but I'll leave them off this space.  For now.  I do want to say, though, that I want to see discussion about these tragic shootings continue.  We must not forget or let the passage of time dull our grief and our passion or else nothing will change.  I've read several sanctimonious posts suggesting we let time pass to allow people to grieve and then, then it will be time to talk while we are not emotional.  Well, I wholly disagree.  Emotion does not equivicate ignorance.  But apathy holds inaction close to it's heart.  

Some ways you can help have been thoughtfully laid out by Roo at Nice Girl Notes.  Open hearts and love make for the greatest change.  See what you can do my friends.  

 

On Saturday we met with some new friends to gather our children together and do a little Christmas craft, eat some chili, have a few beers and just be together.  While we oddly did not talk much about what had happened the previous day, it did seem to me that it was on everyone's minds.  As we watched our children gathering hickory nuts and palmetto knees and spray glitter everywhere, these little moments were being recorded by us all.  Not infrequently there were some conversational pauses, a few thoughtful gazes as we watched our unknowing and innocent children.  

Two horses lived in the property next door and they found our activities very interesting.  They meandered over and watched the children play for quite a while.  All the kids wandered over at some point to look at these lovely creatures, but the two little girls, Isla and her new little friend Millie, were quite interested.  

I quietly listened to their conversation and caught this.  

"Oh they must have horns, I just know it".  

"Yes, they're unicorns". 

"Yes, they just hide their horns, but we can see them".  

I will admit my deeply sad heart clutched a little when I listened to them.  What did they see?  These two lovely, gentle horses were, at that moment, gifted with magic by those girls.  They saw unicorns.  

Who am I to suggest that they did not?  

 

Where there's a will -

It seems like lately I either am a) inspired to write something meaningful and interesting on the blog but don't have the time at that moment or b) have the time (hah!) and lack inspiration.  Usually the "having the time" part comes pretty late in the evening when I'm beat - like now.  But I'm sick of seeing the same post at the top of my blog, and so I'm going to try.  Sometimes I'm envious of sponsored bloggers who get paid to write simply because they have an excuse to actually carve out some time to devote to their little nook on the web and call it "work" while I try to fling together some pictures and prose and call it a day and wonder if anyone cares and if this is all just a waste of time and bandwidth.  But then, alas, my parents will call me and ask for updates and new pictures and then I sit with my laptop and remember why I started this old blog in the first place.  

So here's what's going on.  First: Homeschooling 

The comment I get most from people when they find out we're homeschooling our children (for now) is "wow, I could never do that, I give you so much credit".  

Please people, do NOT give me any credit.  I'm like, the worst homeschooling parent ever.  Well, maybe not the worst, but there are days when nothing gets "done" by way of lessons and I feel my fragile hold on sanity slipping by the minute and I yell and hide and duck into a room for a few minutes and try to start over.  But sometimes I can't and sometimes it's just easier to find the Magic Schoolbus on YouTube and try again in 22 minutes.  

Of course, there are days when things go smoothly and I feel like we're really piecing together a vivid collage of happy memories of a mom who brings them tubes of glitter and crafts and well planned lessons and they bring their wonder and natural curiosity and are even tempered and we all listen to each other and we create and learn with one another and I'm there for them.   Those are the days that make me say - "Okay, yes, this is right for us".  

we've been learning about types of clouds and weather and seasons this last week.  

Yep - I use apps for extra practice and to solidify concepts.  There are actually a few good Montessori math apps for iPad with which I've been quite impressed.  

People ask me why we've chosen to homeschool and really there are so many reasons.  First and foremost, B and I want our children to experience something different.  Whatever "different" is, I'm not exactly sure, but right now I'm happy to be able to let them explore on their own terms and let childhood be long and bright.  I'm not a big fan of homework for young elementary children, and I'm kind of a Rudolph Steiner fan where I really am not comfortable with too much academics at a young age.  Ronan has an affinity for order and numbers.  He builds complex and extremely symmetrical structures with his blocks.  He creates castles and homes for his legos and for Isla's princesses and dolls.  Is that math?  I'm going to say yes.  When I bring out actual kindergarten age math lessons and tools - he has no trouble getting it.  I like to think that by allowing him to build and rebuild and play, he's forging the necessary tools for a strong academic foundation.  

I want them to understand other cultures, so we've been studying some children's books about Hinduism.  History has been reading about children from decades and centuries past who had accomplished great things.  We've been studying art cards and listening to Peter and the Wolf over and over again.  It's amazing seeing them hear "the duck" and know when the wolf is coming.  Reading is very important to both B and I and we have a rather large and wonderful collection of our own books and we enjoy finding and collecting beautiful and interesting books for our children to enjoy as well.  Every night and many times during most days we read to them.  Right now, I love reading Brambly Hedge to them as the illustrations are incredible and I let Ronan and Isla's little eyes get lost in the pictures while I read the prose.  

And Isla - she loves to paint.  I'm not exaggerating when I say she can spend hours just painting and painting and drawing and painting.  It's her outlet, her thing - and she loves it.  

But all academic things aside, right now I think one of the  most important things for young children is for them to be outside and want to be outside.  B has taken it upon himself to turn our old play structure from a passive "swingset" to a "ninja training course".  Or, basically, he took down the swings and added a rope and a climbing net.  Let me just say, the difference is incredible.  Not only our children, but any kids that come over are all over that thing now wanting to climb and swing on the rope.  Great job B!  Now we dream of expanding it with some monkey bars.  

we laid down some rubber mulch...

Up on the deck they play "butterfly hatching" a. lot.  Isla has a script down where we need to inquire about what's in the crysalis and she'll slowly emerge.  Quite a show.  

He's pretending to be quite bored here - but he was faking.  

Who doesn't enjoy some r & r in a hammock?

Slackline is really really hard.  

The kids really like it, though.  

The weather had been quite glorious and cool lately, but the last few days?  Wet, hot and muggy.  Bleh.  Come on winter!

I love our oak trees.  

Brandon's new Rainbow Fern.

So when people ask me why I homeschool, or "don't you need a break?", "isn't it hard?"  Well, yes, I do sometimes and yes, it is sometimes.  Lots of times.  But - well, since I can be home, this is our choice.  Well, yes, it's my choice.  I want to be here with them right now.  I love watching Ronan learn how to read and watch him "get it" when he learns something new.  This is the rewarding part of deciding to homeschool.  

I am not always serene.  In fact, I am rarely serene.  I'm kind of intense and I make mistakes and sometimes I get frustrated too easily and I feel bad about it and try again and dust myself off and try yet again.  Every morning I wake up and after a cup of coffee - I try again.  A new day is more time to watch not only my children grow but to see how I am growing too.  And at 35, it feels pretty nice to see that I can learn new tricks.  We're overhauling how we eat and how we exercise.  We're bringing the kids along on this journey and hopefully we'll be giving them a strong foundation for their own health.  I'm learning how to do new things (crafty things!) and working on developing stronger photo skills.  

here comes trouble...

I had the realization the other night while I was nursing Stelly down to sleep that this is the happiest time in my life because I am choosing for it to be.  It's not 100% perfect.  Is it ever?  I'm not going to sit around and wait for things to happen anymore because I can't.  No one can.  Our future is in our hands.  Our feelings are dependent on our choices and our attitudes.  I've spent much of the last five years wondering if I've invalidated myself because I stopped working to stay home.  I've become a cliche - the over educated stay at home mom.  Sometimes I still care.  Usually I don't.  I hope my children see that by me spending this time with them that I chose them.  I didn't give up on myself - but that choosing them was a gift to myself and I'm so grateful and lucky.  I do worry that someday my daughter will hear my inevitable speeches that she can grow up to do and be anything she wants and look at me and scratch her head.  Will she see me as someone who gave up on her own dreams?  Perhaps.  Will my sons look at me as someone who let my best years as a productive member of society go to waste so I could stay home and keep house?  Maybe.  And I know that someday in the future they will get it.  

But hopefully I'm sending them the message, even on my bad days, that I've decided to take this journey with them and that it was a choice and that I was happy to do it.  I just want to be with them.  I just want to be with them...